About Me
- aimlesshighjinx
- I live my life as best i can. We are all human and we all make mistakes. It is what you do with those mistakes that counts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday turns to Friday on and on and on
Every day is a new beginning. A chance to start out fresh. Most things reset overnight.
Except emotions and memories. They linger and carry over.
I've been having the most amazing couple of months in my cozy little apartment with my cozy little roommate and my cozy group of random adventures. Dancing like a mad person. Striking up conversations with the most unlikely people. Also Despite my daily struggle with a few people i work with I'm really enjoying my job overall.
But today I watched a video about a lovestory that ended in tragedy and regret, naturally, and it made me miss being in love. I've tried to avoid love altogether since the Shane Curry Incident or lack of incident. Deep down i hope that everything will continue to be distant but that he will come back around like always. That isn't the case this time I'm afraid. He is unreachable and yet he holds my heart hostage somehow. Dramatic much?
The worst part about not being in love is i miss the disappointment associated with it. I mean the idea of have uncontrollable emotion swirling inside. Heartache and frustration. I've been so calm and accepting of everything that life has to throw at me and yet I'm bored. It's boring! I am NOT afraid to keep on living and I am NOT afraid to walk this world alone but I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss having that one person who loves me unconditionally. and frankly i never even had that. Even in a best friend there were still parts of my personality or even interest for that matter that were stifled. Even in the intimate one on one friendship i could not truly be who i am.
How does that happen? how is that i could love someone so much and still let them keep me from my true potential.
I kind of hope you read this. but i know that you won't you've moved on and so have i. Well as much as i can because i still love you so much because we are two parts of the bigger picture. But we are also two completely separate functioning entities. Mock me if you want, it doesn't hurt anymore. the universe or whatever brought you into my life to teach me so many lessons and i am forever grateful for that and for you.
I will never stop loving you. You have shared so much with me and I'm sorry for not loving you the way you deserve. You deserved to be appreciated so much more than i did. I wish I could go back. I wish you were still in my life. But all this pain has a greater purpose.
If we were still living together I know i would still be struggling with who I am. I would be confused and I would be holding you back.
sob sob sob where did this come from? long story short is there aren't enough words to say how sorry i am to this one person i have done so many disservices to. She is glorious and is going on to do great things.
I wish her best of luck! although she doesn't need it.
I am happy to say I am who I am thanks in part to our friendship. Good and Bad.
Cheers
Britt.
Except emotions and memories. They linger and carry over.
I've been having the most amazing couple of months in my cozy little apartment with my cozy little roommate and my cozy group of random adventures. Dancing like a mad person. Striking up conversations with the most unlikely people. Also Despite my daily struggle with a few people i work with I'm really enjoying my job overall.
But today I watched a video about a lovestory that ended in tragedy and regret, naturally, and it made me miss being in love. I've tried to avoid love altogether since the Shane Curry Incident or lack of incident. Deep down i hope that everything will continue to be distant but that he will come back around like always. That isn't the case this time I'm afraid. He is unreachable and yet he holds my heart hostage somehow. Dramatic much?
The worst part about not being in love is i miss the disappointment associated with it. I mean the idea of have uncontrollable emotion swirling inside. Heartache and frustration. I've been so calm and accepting of everything that life has to throw at me and yet I'm bored. It's boring! I am NOT afraid to keep on living and I am NOT afraid to walk this world alone but I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss having that one person who loves me unconditionally. and frankly i never even had that. Even in a best friend there were still parts of my personality or even interest for that matter that were stifled. Even in the intimate one on one friendship i could not truly be who i am.
How does that happen? how is that i could love someone so much and still let them keep me from my true potential.
I kind of hope you read this. but i know that you won't you've moved on and so have i. Well as much as i can because i still love you so much because we are two parts of the bigger picture. But we are also two completely separate functioning entities. Mock me if you want, it doesn't hurt anymore. the universe or whatever brought you into my life to teach me so many lessons and i am forever grateful for that and for you.
I will never stop loving you. You have shared so much with me and I'm sorry for not loving you the way you deserve. You deserved to be appreciated so much more than i did. I wish I could go back. I wish you were still in my life. But all this pain has a greater purpose.
If we were still living together I know i would still be struggling with who I am. I would be confused and I would be holding you back.
sob sob sob where did this come from? long story short is there aren't enough words to say how sorry i am to this one person i have done so many disservices to. She is glorious and is going on to do great things.
I wish her best of luck! although she doesn't need it.
I am happy to say I am who I am thanks in part to our friendship. Good and Bad.
Cheers
Britt.
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