Let's Give em Somethin to Blog about

Oh humble blog. Dear old Friend.

How the times have changed since we first met. I've take great comfort in the fact that no one reads you. Sometimes I pretend there is a small lurking audience and other times I spill my inner desires into you without reservation or fear of judgement. It's nice :)

Here comes the open apology for being so neglectful: Been real busy. Sorry not sorry.

The past couple months I've taken my destiny in my hands and trusted it to fly. I realize that this is no easy task for someone resting on the conveniences of being "too busy" to take care of myself. There's always time to take care of your mind and soul.

My depression and anxiety have been amplified by a constant struggle of standards at work. As you may or may not know "standards build pride" but if no one is in the forest who hears the tree fall? I love working in a kitchen so much! I love creating flavors, surprises, experiences for people I'll could potentially never come within 100 miles of ever again. But as my love and knowledge grow for the food industry my disdain for laziness and inefficiency increase as well. Nothing is more frustrated than not being in control am I right? I mean this in the best possible way of course. When you work in a kitchen you rely on your team to work towards a common goal of perfect food and dining experience. Without anyone overseeing these its kind of like driving in the dark with 12 spider monkeys in your car.

So I branched out. I decided that if I wanted to stay true to myself and what I believe in...I have to leave my warm and familiar nest. In reality this became easier by the simple fact that my commute is so long that if I calculate out what I make by the hours I spend commuting and working, I make way less than I ever did at a much closer job that I left also because of Failing Standards. So the choice was simple. I have gained experience good and bad at my current kitchen but my growth has stopped dead. If I want to grow from a guppy to a mermaid, I'm gonna need to find a much bigger bowl.

That bowl ended up being  a lot smaller in the grand scheme. I have signed on with a small Seattle Deli to make sandwiches by day and learn meat curing/pickling by night. This business is the epitome of efficiency. With less than ten total employees at our location it is a tight little ship! I'm head over heels in love. Even better yet I'm back to being a face to people with a plethora of knowledge to share about my craft. I've missed the people since I crossed over from retail. I had a small list of clients if you want to call them that. Regardless everyone received the same 5 star treatment. Why not?

As a co-worker put it best "it's another tool to add to your belt. you can never have too many"  I believe my love of crafts has led me to pursue this career more vigorously. No matter how small or simple an ingredient is, the role it plays in a recipe is irreplaceable.

I never saw myself pursuing food but I am so glad that I have. There will always be the fear in the back of my mind that I will wake up one day despising food. That the industry will have made me callous and cold and craving cheap tasteless fare. Even that sounds ridiculous. Everyday I look forward to eating. Everyday is an opportunity to try something new.

Hmm that sounds familiar. It's something that I struggle with in my day to day. Food is second nature to me but relationships? a tricky old school french dish involving emulsifying duck fat and napalm. The struggle is real my friend. My independence and selfishness rear their heads and take over my mind. "I do what I want" is so empowering and at the same time damning. I want my relationship with my boyfriend to be fluid. I want us to work together but when we have a hiccup I consider my old independent way of working. When he wants to suggest handling a situation differently, I want to ignore everything he says and do it my own way. Why is that? Why can't the compromise be made? Expectation. My expectation that it won't work out. That he won't follow through. That the situation will take the back burner and nothing will be prioritized. That's hard man. It's hard to not see things in a linear fashion. My house, My chores.

How do we work together and finally get on the same page? Time. Practice. Patience.

While I can feel the sweet release of two weeks notice I also feel the anxiety that comes with cutting your pay down by almost 60% We can afford it he says. And you know what. I have to believe it. I have to believe that this is the best time for me to zoom in on my Health and Happiness. Even better I will get to be home more. Something I've missed very much since I began spending 12 hours a day away from home and coming home to a boyfriend dead asleep and waking up in less than 5 hours. Right now I have to throw everything in the air and wait for it to fall. Two. More. Weeks.

Wish us luck Blog. Thanks for listening.
Positivity and patience.